Building a new AFL stadium in Tasmania is probably the most foolish idea ever formed. All you have to do is go to an AFL or cricket match at the current arena and realize that it barely reaches 40% capacity on a good day. The Tasmanian AFL team is not a bad idea in general, but the building of the stadium is clearly just a way to line the pockets of politicians, building companies and sporting groups.
The plan is to build an entire new stadium with merely three thousand extra seats more than the old one. For three thousand extra seats they want to spend 750 million dollars. $750,000,000 divided by 3000 seats equals $250,000 for each one. These are probably the most expensive seats in existence and the tiny population won’t be able to fill them until the year 3034 regardless.
The other issue with the Tasmanian AFL team is that the prioritized name is the ‘Tasmanian Devils’. There is already a team named ‘Melbourne Demons’ so I think it may get confusing. The other issue is that because we live in a neoliberal hellscape: the animal name ‘Tasmanian Devils’ is trademarked by Warner Bros. So I’ve come up with a few alternatives so we don’t have to pay royalties to Warner Bros and instead spend even more than $250,000 on each seat.
My first suggestion is the ‘Tasmanian Terrorists’. I’m pretty sure this name isn’t taken and it would also strike fear into the hearts of our opponents.
My second option is the ‘Van Dieman’s Vandals’. We could embrace some hooligan culture and every time we play an away game we start destroying their city. The fan culture for AFL is pretty boring now days, so it’s time we spice things up a bit.
And my final suggestion is the ‘Tasmanian Turbo Chooks’. This name is already a running gag in Tasmania and I un-ironically think it’s a good idea. They only exist in the state so it’s got local relevance, it’s got the theme of speed and it’s completely unique to every other team name.
