I use to get real drunk on moonshine at a friend’s place on a regular basis and then pass out in his guest room. The issue being that every time I drunkenly stumbled into there, half the bed would be covered in pillows. There were different sizes, colors, textures etc – every type of pillow you can imagine. Even in a drunken rage, I’m a true supreme gentleman: so I would have to carefully remove the pillows and frantically look around the room to where I could stack these to the ceiling without letting them touch the floor. I would then pass out on the one, while staring at the many towers surrounding me.
Now I don’t blame him, because no man cares about decorating beds with dozens of pointless pillows. Of course it was his low IQ ex – wife that couldn’t cook to save her life. It’s one of those realizations that most people and especially women don’t care about functionality anymore. They are making my drunken life inconvenient just so they can have a room that nobody sees look like a trashy homecare magazine. There is an ongoing corporate conspiracy from Big Pillow that is brainwashing the liquid brain population with photo shoots of beds with hundreds of pillows. This is obviously an attempt to normalize this procedure and boost their sales.
I’ve suffered from the same pain at many hotels. Unless I’m having a meth induced orgy, I don’t need a dozen cushions to rest my head on. Too many pillows on the bed are a sign of the materialistic mind. It’s all about having more and more to fulfill greedy needs, without ever actually using what you’ve already got. I did a little questionnaire with my Narcotics Anonymous group and they all told me the same thing: they all sleep with one to two pillows when they aren’t passed out in a gutter attempting not to choke on their own vomit.
Is there anyone on Earth that sleeps with three pillows or more under them? The answer is no. So we need to come to a global mutual agreement that we get two pillows per person.
